If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
