it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
