well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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