In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
