Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
