Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
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