I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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