Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
please don't ironically join a cult
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