and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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