I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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