hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
