I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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