take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
