Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
