Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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