im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
