Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
