Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
