it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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