Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
