Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize