My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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