both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
