Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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