i just identified you from a description of your pipe
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
