my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
