mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
