So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Randomize
