We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
