1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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