I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
