she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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