Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
