Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
