How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
