if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
