Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
