I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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