everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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