i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
