Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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