I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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