i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
