Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
