At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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