You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
