I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize