; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
