I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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