There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
