I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
