She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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