Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
