Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize