Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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