Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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