Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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