help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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