i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
