I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
