so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i was born a porn star she said
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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