I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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