At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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