Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
