He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
