I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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