he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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