last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
