Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I intend to get homeless drunk
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
